Barney's Blog - 1x14: Brocabulary Lesson

Since the dawn of mankind, when dudes would hunt mammoth just to get away from the cave for a few hours, bros have been hanging out in chick-free, but totally awesome ways that are completely platonic and not gay at all. It's called "bro-ing out." It's akin to a "girls' night out," except that bros generally do not practice kissing and feeling each other's boobs. Bros bro-ing out are more likely to, say, patronize a fine burlesque where they can strap on a pair of bi-brocals and observe ladies engaging in just these activities.

Bro-ing out affords today's bro a welcome respite from having to rescue women from the shackles of their perpetually lusty throes. And, like many of life's more enjoyable diversions - wine, cigars, Chinese Checkers - it comes with a dialect all its own. So while the uninitiated loner may be confused by the broliferation of unfamiliar terms with which I describe my brown-up activities, the true brofessional will understand what I am bro-ing on about. And for those who don't quite get it, here's a chance to get in the bro.

(Oh, interesting fact: The bro who accompanied me on my personal bro-ings on about town this weekend? Actually a chick. A smoking hot chick. Unorthodox, but surprisingly enjoyable. And yes, I totally broned her.)

Encyclopedia Brotannica - Barney's Guide to Bronunciation
(Selected entries)

Brode
The bro code: A bro doesn't tell a mutual bro that a third bro has a crush on him, just like the third bro doesn't tell the mutual bro that the original bro went bare-pickle in front of her. SEE "QUID PRO BRO"

Bromosexual
A bro who's also a chick, and therefore bang-able.

Broner
Over-excitement for any bro-ing out activity. e.g. Ricky popped a broner when his friend rented out the local laser tag arena for his birthday.

Bronoculars
A safety device designed to counteract another bro's beer goggles. e.g. If it hadn't been for Sam's bronoculars, John would've totally tagged that ugmo.

The P-L-Bro
A group of bros occupying the same brocation as your own brommunity.

Bro-atia
1. A utopian bro-dom. 2. A strip club.

Brotorcycle
A motorcycle accommodating two or more gentlemen "on the bro."

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