Barney's Blog - 2x20: The price is always right

Recently, I made an appearance on the greatest television program of all time, "The Price is Right." Host Bob Barker proved himself to be a man of charm, charisma, and grace—in a word, Stinsonian. And since the game is clearly in my blood, I've decided to share with you my dream Showcase Showdown package. 

(For optimum effect, please read the following in the voice of Rich Fields and think of Barker's beauties… That's also good advice for life in general.) 

Your showcase is brought to the shores by famous explorer Christopher Columbus! 

[Columbus image missing]

And Barney, what better way to explore the world than on your own private jet?! [MUSIC CUE: Jazzy muzak version of "Jet Airliner" - Steve Miller Band] 

[Jet image missing] 

You know what Columbus liked about sea travel? Absolutely nothing. So skip it and travel in style, on the AeroBarney. Storms? Scurvy? Pirates? Not at 45,000 feet, my handsome friend. Enjoy the on-board scotch bar, a world-class pornography library or just sit back, relax, and let our stewardesses, Nina, Pinta, or Maria (from what I hear, she's no saint), fire up the hot tub, because you're about to stumble upon… 

The West Indies! [MUSIC CUE: Xylophone rendition of "D'yer Mak'er" - Led Zeppelin] 

[West Indies image missing]

You'll stay in scenic downtown West Indy, right smack in the heart of the laser tag district. By day, have your pick from the finest fabrics, silks and cottons the lush Caribbean farmlands have to offer…By night, illuminate the skies with your very own, real-life laser, taking on competitors from around the world, drawn to the West Indies' burgeoning underground laser tag scene. No time to bask in the glow of your many victories, however, because you're taking your harvested crops and heading to… 

Italy! [MUSIC CUE: Accordian muzak of "Roam" - B-52's] 

[Genoa image missing]

You'll spend six nights and seven days touring Italy in your very own Rolls Royce. Ride in style with special guest chauffeur, world renowned tailor Frederico Battaglia. The "Maverick of the Fabric," Frederico will show you an Italy normally reserved for tailors and fashionistas. Watch and learn as the master spins your handpicked materials into custom made suits so majestic, even Queen Isabella herself would kneel before you… 

Convenient, because the next stop on your world discovery tour is… 

The Spanish Riviera! [MUSIC CUE: Distorted electric guitar version of "Spanish Caravan" - The Doors] 

[Beach image missing]

Of course you look great in your brand new suits, but how about putting on your birthday suit? That's right Barney Stinson: it's your very own nude beach! Stay for a day, a month, or a year…It's all yours. Women from around the world will flock to enjoy the sights, sounds, and of course, the boobs. 

All this can be yours Barney Stinson, if the Price is Right. 

Have your own dream Showcase? 

Email it to me at barneystinson@yahoo.com

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